Of Heroes and Villains by petulantgod (Lilycentric - PG13)

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Title: Of Heroes and Villains
Author: Seph (petulantgod)
Rating: PG13 for language, implied violence, and subject matter
Character: Lily Potter
Word Count: 1,000
Summary: She might die, but he won't. He can't. And as long as he lives, she lives. James lives. Harry is not going to die.
Warnings: character death
Author's Notes: There are new words now that excuse everybody. Give me the good old days of heroes and villains, the people you can bravo or hiss. There was a truth to them that all the slick credulity of today cannot touch. --Bette Davis (1908 - 1989), The Lonely Life (1962). Thanks to rosesanguina for all her help and the betaread. ♥




"Go!" James hisses between clenched teeth, and she watches his nimble fingers rake through his hair. For a moment, it's as though nothing is really wrong. This is all a mistake. This is not happening. Not now. Not yet.

Not ever. It can't.

But it is happening, and as she turns her back to run upstairs to Harry, she knows she won't see James alive ever again. It doesn't really make sense though. It can't.

Her heavy feet want to plod up the stairs to the nursery, but she makes them fly. Step, step, skip-a-step... Faster, Lily, faster!

It's funny to her now how heroism seemed so easy in theory. Of course I'd die for my family, of course, of course. Of course I'd die to save my son, my husband, my country, my--

Faltering on the last step, she hears the scuffle as the front door bursts open: low voices rising in pitch, urgent mutterscreamed spells, the sizzling zap as an Unforgivable scorches the very air--

She just catches herself before she can fall. It's as though the simmering knowledge of what is happening downstairs right now is draining the life from her too.

Her hand clutches tightly to the banister, knuckles pale lavender with deoxygenated blood.

Her fingers hurt.

Something deep within her mind churns, working fast, working hard, and it's dizzying in its potential and power... But she can't seem to tap into it. It's the swift dark current beneath winter's rime. It's what she needs to win, and she can't quite get into it, can't...

FUCK. Come on, Lily, damn you, THINK!

A soft whimper from the nursery and she launches herself forward like a missile, plunging into Harry's room with her eyes already casting about wildly for weapons, for a chance, for hope, but she knows James is already dead. She knows that it's over.

If James wasn't heroic enough to save them, she won't be. She's just Lily. She pretended all her life to be something she wasn't, to be brave, and now she knows Fear and it's ugly and inevitable and it's devouring her soul and her flesh and calling out like a siren's wail to the monster who's just slain her husband.

There's nothing left but to decide how to die.

Is that it?

Is this what you think when you're about to die?

How will you die, Lily Evans? The Widow Potter. Just this moment she's become the Widow Potter.

I can't die like this. I can't die because if I die, I've failed Harry, I've failed, I've failed...

Betrayal... We're betrayed. He betrayed us. I made him a cake on his birthday and let him sleep in the nursery with my son and he's betrayed us. He burped Harry while I fastened my shirt up and he betrayed us.

Anger flashes fire-bright in her heart, melting the icy barrier between numb action and quickening mind, and suddenly she has strategies, methods--

Choices.

And this is where training and preparation fail her. No one can ever be ready for this moment, for deciding how to die, not really. She will die for Harry, but if she lives, if she hides and lets- NO. She cannot consider it. No.

NO!

Lily doesn't care about living, she cares about winning. She wants to bring Voldemort down. She wants to kill him.

Suddenly she hears his feet on the landing. The time is short.

---

"Lily, you goose, what are you doing in the pantry?" Mum asks.

Sobbing, the tiny redheaded girl throws herself into her mum's arms and clings, all the fire drained from her by her ordeal.

"Oh darling, whatever's happened?"

With trembling lips, Lily mumbles out, "I thought a burglar was here... A knife, Mum, I know you said never touch but I did cos I thought was a burglar thought he'd kill me, Mummy, thought he'd--- And I got a knife from the kitchen and I hid-"

"Listen to me, Lily," Mum says, her hands warm and firm where they cradle her daughter's face. "I will never let anyone harm you. Do you believe me?"

Lily nods, the warmth of her mother's hands thawing the terror in her little heart.

---

There's not really a choice in her mind when the door swings open. There's only one thing to do. Only one.

Harry's eyes meet hers for a moment, green on green, and she sees herself reflected there. Her child. Her blood. Her. She might die, but he won't. He can't. And as long as he lives, she lives. James lives. Harry is not going to die.

I will never let anyone harm you.

No one ever wants to kill as badly as their victim wants to live.

Take a chance.

You've got nothing to lose.

Lily bolts toward the door, throwing her body against it with a sick thud that makes the thin walls reverberate.

"No!" she screams. "NO!"

Drawing her wand as the door shatters in her face, she stands between Harry and the monster.

"You will not kill my baby," she says, and she means it. She means it with all that is inside her, and there's a lot inside Lily Evans Potter.

The monster laughs, his inhuman face warping strangely at the unaccustomed expression. He raises his wand. Yew, 13 1/2", single phoenix tail feather. Infamous.

Lily is not afraid anymore, and it's the most exhilarating feeling of her life. She aims her wand. Willow, 10 1/4", swishy, good for charms. Invincible in the hands of a mother protecting her son.

The monster speaks, but she's not listening. He offers life, but life isn't necessarily victory.

It only takes two words and a flash of green light to strip away all that made Lily Lily.

It only takes two words and a flash of green light to seal the fates of millions.

I've won.

There are things death cannot do. It isn't victory; it's a madman's mistake.

This heroism thing isn't really so hard. Not really.

Comments

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Awww-uh! Thank you so so so much. *adores*

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

That was beautiful.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ♥

[tarie.livejournal.com]

Oh, Seph.

This is so heartbreaking and gorgeous. You've perfectly captured the moment and it's so fragile and beautiful and real.

Thank you for this.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*blushes* YAYE! I'm so glad you liked it. *hugs*

[maeglinyedi.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful and powerful scene. You've captured Lily and her thoughts and emotions very well. Loved it. :-)

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! *beams*

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love Lily in this, moving through panic to determination. She comes across as so strong. Everyone always forgets that Lily was the original hero of the story -- without her, Voldie would probably have won the first war and there'd be nothing after that.

Great job!

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you so much! And yes, Lily was such a hero. I'm glad you thought it did her some kind of justice.

[supergrover24.livejournal.com]

Ow. I just. Yeah.

This killed me.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*loves on*

[snegurochka_lee]

*flails* OMFG, this is outstanding, really. I have goosebumps. I love the feeling that it's in slow motion at the beginning, as she manages multiple thoughts in mere seconds; then double-time at the end, as everything seems to happen so fast. And so many poignant, crucial lines that say so much with so few words. And the thoughts about Sirius, and the flashback to her childhood, and, gah, just everything. And-

plunging into Harry's room with her eyes already casting about wildly for weapons, for a chance, for hope, but she knows James is already dead.

This gave me the chills. Bravo, dear author. Astonishing work.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so so so much. *blushes* I appreciate it dearly.

[glass-wishes.livejournal.com]

Wow! I knew this would be good, the moment that you said you were posting it...I just knew it.

You never fail to express exactly how an emotion feels...fear, desperation...a heart breaking....

Wow...I am again...humbled.

Caleb

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! *loves*

[lover-of-slash.livejournal.com]

Gah, this was amazing. I love your style!

I love the last line. And this line:

The monster speaks, but she's not listening. He offers life, but life isn't necessarily victory.

And...really the whole fic. Lovely job!

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so so much! *AdoreS*

[djin7.livejournal.com]

A mothers love for her child should be exactly this. Exactly this. It's more than heroism, isn't it? To protect, against all.
This is what it means to be a mother.
Sadly, there are not as many "Lily Potters" as there should be. Thank you for this snapshot of her.

Great work,
cheers!

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* Thank you, love. I appreciate the praise.

[persephone56.livejournal.com]

*smacks you for making me cry*
It's OK, though, love.

I loved how she started going through details about the wands, like someone reciting the periodic table to keep their mind off what really happening.

But that's such a tiny thing among the whole excellent fic. It was perfectly frantic.

*clings and cries*

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Awww thank you! *comforts and snuggles*

[orange-bastard.livejournal.com]

So powerful. You're amazing ♥

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you!

[lisa-bee.livejournal.com]

No one ever wants to kill as badly as their victim wants to live.

The scatter-flicker tone of the thoughts as she races upstairs, the little details about the wands.

There are things death cannot do. It isn't victory; it's a madman's mistake.

This line gave me the shivers. Thank you for a great look into Lily's mind.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I appreciate the comment. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fullofgrace/]

I stumbled over here from quibbler_report, and I am SO very glad I did. This was...for lack of a good coherent phrase, overwhlemingly amazing. The entire feel of this piece. You can just FEEL the panic yourself.

No one ever wants to kill as badly as their victim wants to live.

Take a chance.

You've got nothing to lose.

Just amazing job. Thanks so much for writing and sharing.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!! :D

[happiestwhen.livejournal.com]

No one ever wants to kill as badly as their victim wants to live.

I've never thought of it like that, but it's ever-so true.

What a poignant and heartbreaking look into Lily's mind. You've really channeled her emotions well here. This feels very in-the-moment. The pacing was excellent and chilling, and I love the little flashback to Lily's childhood in the middle there.

Beautiful, Seph. ♥

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you so much, gorgeous. ♥

[danbi.livejournal.com]

I really liked the middle of this a lot, like the tie-in to the memory with her mother. I thought it was sweet and just...I don't know, brave. So I really enjoyed the portrayal.

And this part:

Harry's eyes meet hers for a moment, green on green, and she sees herself reflected there. Her child. Her blood. Her.

Sweet.

Okay, enough sappiness, I'm gone.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Aww thank you! *loves at*

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

The back of my head is buzzing, and my hands are sweating, and I have an adrenalin rush happening that just wont quit, because I was there... there, leaving him, running, thinking, feeling, dreading!

You let me step inside her head and her heart, and I have to slow down now and remember that I'm inside my body, and not fighting a madman.

Well, now at least I have a better idea of how you get inside my head so easily - and why it's so easy to have you there.

What a wonderful, powerful, authentic story. Thank you so much.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you.

[mooncharm.livejournal.com]

Oh Seph, honey this is just beautiful. There's this very tangible dream-like quality to it that makes it feel like a memory. The slowness of everything that happens so rapidly. The flood of a million things running through her mind at the last possible moment as she struggles to make her way to Harry. The temptation to save herself. It's all just so... human.

How will you die, Lily Evans? The Widow Potter. Just this moment she's become the Widow Potter.

Wonderfully done, my darling. *loves on you*

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*loves back* Thank you so much.

[tipgardner.livejournal.com]

Christ Seph! This is gorgeous. It's full of poetry, of writers' craft, certainly. But more importantly, it converys incontrovertible human truths in language so pure, so raw and still so well refined, that it shakes my soul like bare leaves in October winds.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you so so much!

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I think you write your best when you just 'write.' Your audience can sense the confidence and therefore follows.

You need to write more pieces like this. Sure, your smut is hot. But this -- this is what writing's all about to me. Raw and powerful emotion.

I hope that made sense, Seph.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Ha, it was very hard to write. It made me cry, heh. I'm not sure I could write like this on a regular basis, but I'll keep your opinion in mind, P. :D

[tavari.livejournal.com]

If James wasn't heroic enough to save them, she won't be. She's just Lily. She pretended all her life to be something she wasn't, to be brave, and now she knows Fear and it's ugly and inevitable and it's devouring her soul and her flesh and calling out like a siren's wail to the monster who's just slain her husband. I love this moment. I totally relate to that feeling of not living up to it, and Lily actually does. It was.. well it was exhilirating. Yes, I totally spelled that wrong, but it's late.

No one ever wants to kill as badly as their victim wants to live. Oooh good line.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* Thank you, R. :X

[deviousfairie.livejournal.com]

This is very good. mhm. I love reading what you write. *snuggles*

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you, love. :) *Snuggles*

[arison.livejournal.com]

Beautiful, Seph. Jus' beautiful.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Plain Excellent.

No other words are necessary.

Thank you for this.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *beams* I appreciate that.

[thistlerose.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, Seph. This is exquisite. You've captured that horrifying moment and Lily's strength perfectly.

she knows she won't see James alive ever again.

This made me cry.

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* Thank you so so much. Also, your icon wins at life for being Alice from Last of the Mohicans. I've never seen anyone with an icon like that before.